When I was young my boss gave me a book he wrote. He personally wrote on the first page to me as a young executive,

 “Idea makes money. Money doesn’t make idea.”

 For me it remains true for myself. I see many successful people who are successful because they love what they do; because they have the passion; because they have unique ideas.

 I have a friend who loves leather. His bag designs are very unique. He takes proud of it. He makes bags and he sell bags. Does selling bags make him rich? No, he doesn’t want to be rich. But he wants to enjoy his life. It makes him a good living while he has time to enjoy with his friends, spending sometimes to teach people who want to know how to make bags, buying pet foods for street dogs around his house. He loves what he is doing.

 “The primary purpose of listening… is to truly understand the other person’s point of view, how they think and feel and how they ‘move through the world.’” (Zeus and Skiffington, 2000)
 
 We have 5 senses
 Eyes to see
 Nose to smell
 Mouth to eat and talk
 Ears to listen
 And body to touch
 
 If we divide the function equally mouth should work at 20% and the rest will occupy for 80%. Listening is not only ears, but also use others as well to listen. Ears to listen to the noise. Eyes to listen to body language. Nose to listen to changes and body to listen to the energy that comes from the other persons. Power listening is when you pay attention to only listen for 80% while spend only 20% of the time talking.
 
 In Buddhism, awareness is one of the most important elements. Awareness is when you are totally aware of yourself, what are you doing. Awareness is when you are aware of everything that the other says word by word, pitch by pitch. That is when your listening becomes most powerful. Awareness is to be presence. Power listening is when you feel that the most important person in the world is the person right in front of you. If you don’t think that person is important, walk away. It is no point of wasting time listening to the person.
 
 What are we listening for?
 
 We listen for what the person says.
 We listen for what the person doesn’t say

 “Feedback is not about praise or blame, approval or
 disapproval. That’s what evaluation is—placing value. Feedback is value-neutral. It describes what you did and did not do.” (Grant Wiggin)
 
 Feedback is effective way of communication in delivering positive information to the receiver.
 
 Feedback is information about how we did by having some goals in mind when such information being provided. As a receiver it is sometimes difficult to distinguished between feedbacks and criticism.
 
 How we receive feedbacks is a combination of 3 components. The same feedback said by different persons can be interpreted differently. The same intention being worded differently can have a totally different result. Those 3 components are  1) content – what is being delivered 2) Context – The way you delivered 3) channel – the person who delivers.
 
 Content: Feedback becomes useless if the person who receives doesn’t hold the same value as the person who gives. Sometimes it needs some background or permission to give feedback so that the giver and the receiver are on the same wavelength and share the same objectives.
 
 Context: Feedback can become negative when the information received is being generalized i.e. “you are always not responsible for the work you do”. This becomes criticism. It has a negative impact on integrity, self-perception and confidence. This is also depending on the perceived intention. If the receiver feels it is a threat, it can also be negative. It also depends on the mood and emotion during the time feedback being given as well as the experience in the past with feedbacks.
 
 Channel: The person who gives also has high influence how the information being received. If he is trusted it will be more effective in receiving. Trust reflects intention on feedback being given.
 
 Effective feedback should have the reference on some certain goals so that it can be specific, it should indicate the result of the action the person did, the consequence. It should at the same time provide some specific actions for the person to be better in achieving goal.
 
 That is the ideal world. In reality how many times we all get effective feedback. Think of it; how many times you receive effective feedback that is open enough to see opportunity to improve or to change for better. How many times it is specific enough to help separate the issue about yourself and the goals. Many times it is negative and generalized with preset value. Sometimes it is delivered with emotions or not with honest intention.
 
 Of course, you cannot control the sender and how he will deliver feedback. But you can control on our end how we receive feedback.  Information sent is like rain that pours. Information received is the quality of the container. We will discuss here how we prepare ourselves to be effective feedback receiver – create confidence in receiving feedbacks.
 
 1) Confidence doesn’t alone come from what you have, it comes from when you realize and accept what you don’t have. You know your limitation. When you accept that you are not perfect it will be easier for you to receive feedback. It increases effectiveness of your listening.
 
 2) Listen carefully: This about how difficult it is when you want to deliver feedback. It is the same as how difficult it is to receive. It requires skills on both ends. You cannot control how feedback is given. You cannot control perception of the person who delivers. You have to accept that it is your reality of what you are perceived.
 
 3) Don’t be defensive or try to justify. It is no use. You cannot change their perception with emotion. What you should do is to ask questions for clarification so that it brings both the deliverer and receiver to be at the same level. It helps validate the information being given.
 
 4) Separate the issues from attaching with yourself.  Feedback is all about what being done and then move forward from there. If what being said is true, you should come up with action step how to come about achieving the goal with no interference.
 
 5) Choose your respond. Remember you cannot control others but you can control yourself. Whatever decision you make it has the consequence in it. There are always prices on everything you do. Choose wisely. Choose with calculated expected outcome.
 
 6) Remember one thing. Nothing is personal unless you take it personal.